birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize