At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
