who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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