Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
