my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
