He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
