last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
