Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
