FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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