just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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