I have demons in me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize