the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she peed on how many people?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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