I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
