my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
