If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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