The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize