So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
