he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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