the day after is always just damage control
It's just like the Real World with babies
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
