found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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