we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
