Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
