even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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