Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
