party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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