Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and she was petting her beer can
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
