i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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