My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
