You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
They have beer where we have blood.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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