I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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