Four minutes until I can fart!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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