I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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