My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
