I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
