The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
