So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When are your genitals available?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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