Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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