I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
