i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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