I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When are your genitals available?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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