And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
