Say something about gay babies.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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