He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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