A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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