Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize