just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
