What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
