I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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