Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
