Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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