I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
