we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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