I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
