I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
