Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
In America we eat man semen.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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