dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
