god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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