He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize