As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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