I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
