Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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