if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
