Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
