we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
