Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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