I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
