Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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