ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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