i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
